Gay & Lesbian Dating:
The Waiting Game: How Long You Should Wait to Call

By Chris DeLorenzo
Courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazine


Okay, here's the situation: You meet someone and you hit it off. You ask for his or her number and you're looking forward to seeing this person again soon. But if you call the next day, is it too soon? And if you wait five days, could you lose out?


Although there's no magic number of days to wait, here's what some men and women in the community have to say about the waiting game.

Everyone seems to agree that the five day mark is important. "If someone doesn't call after five days," says Mark, 42, "then I figure they weren't that interested." Both men and women say a week was too long to wait, and some say waiting over ten days to call is "insulting."


"It depends on the situation," says Brandon, 24. "If we're already acquainted -- let's say as co-workers -- then I know we'll see one another again soon. In that case, a week isn't a long time to wait." In fact, most people agree that spontaneous meetings require a quick turn around, but once you've been out with that person, you can wait to call for the second date.


Not everyone agrees.


"If you don't act right away," says Bill, 50, "you could lose your chance. Even in cases such as blind dates, you should call the next day."


"Calling the next day," says Kelly, 26, "makes you looks desperate."


"If I like someone," continues Bill," I'll call them four hours later. That's how some of my longest relationships began."


Is this difference of opinion based on a generation gap? Perhaps. The younger crowd seems to feel that once you've become acquainted, waiting as long as a week to ask someone out again is no big deal. It could be the idealism of youth; you could also chalk it up to lack of experience.

"The fact of the matter," says Michael, 38, "is everyone wants you to call the next day, even if it's just to make a tentative plan and say how great it was to meet. Why play games?"


Perhaps in this modern world of ours, where the courting game is becoming more and more casual, the boundaries of dating protocol have blurred. Ultimately, you have to trust your instincts and be authentic. If you want to call the next day, that person is most likely going to feel flattered. If you wait longer than five days, he or she might start feeling desperate. "Most important of all," adds Michael, "if you call and you get the answering machine, leave a message. Don't hang up!" And if you don't hear back, it never hurts to call one more time.


Overwhelmingly, the message here is to be honest and let the other person know that you're interested. At that point, the ball is in his or her court.


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