By Jim Sullivan
Courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazineDear Jim,
No matter how hard I look outside the club scene, it seems like all the fellas flock to the local bars. Where else besides the bar can I meet my Mr. Right?
— Pubbed out
Don't panic! There are tons of places to meet guys. Remember men are hunters -- you need to get out there and shake the bushes.
Challenge yourself to move from the familiar and beyond your zone of comfort. Go to places you never thought of before!
Though bars are still a popular place for queer folks to meet, most gay men meet future partners outside the bar and club scene. This has been an enormously liberating development in the singles culture. No longer do men have to stand and stare for five hours in smoke-filled rooms (that's changing in some cities) waiting for Prince Charming to come marching through the door.
You want diversity? You have it in the dating scene -- it's yours for the asking; college students, fellow Canadians, professional men, truckers, hippies, hip-hop lovers, cabaret junkies, football fanatics, People of Color.
Or choose from this eclectic list of social activities: gay potluck, gay frisbee, queer karaoke, contra dancing (yes, it's easy to learn), square dancing, gay bi-sexual father's group, polka club, cyber and digital queers, gay rodeo, wind surfing for gays, poetry/writers group, bird watching, gay gardeners, motorcycle clubs.
Use online matchmaking services to help you locate these like-minded guys for friendship, dating and romance.
What about Frontunners? You'll be able to met some great guys and gals who not only run/jog but also fast walk. Never worry about being in top shape and looking perfect. Go for fun and meet some interesting runners/joggers/walkers. Just show up with your shorts and running/walking sneakers and a smile.
Go national. Use your frequent flyer miles. Volunteer for the Gay Games (gay olympics) or travel to Provincetown in the Fall for the annual Singles Men's Weekend for fun, education and romance. -- SMW attracts hot singles throughout the United States. Visit Gay Spirit Camp at Easton Mountain Retreat House in upstate New York for the summer Dating Boot Camp and other workshops and social gatherings.
There are a number of Gay Pride marches coming up around the country. Go to the one in your city or town. If you have to travel to another city, get your backpack ready and go and make new friends.
Take the pressure off that you must meet your future husband -- you want to meet guys -- you might not even know whether they're single -- that's okay.
Just start the conversation. Connect! Get numbers. Give out your number.
Find out if there are any fund raisers going on in the gay community: AIDS, breast cancer, political candidate, gay youth, advocacy groups. Invite a friend along (for support) and make your way around the room your goal: introduce yourself to five people -- honing your skills at beginning and continuing a conversation.
Meeting men is always about taking a risk and being spontaneous. If you're on a bank line and you see a man that looks interesting, and you're not sure he's gay, you can still use an ice-breaker like "long line today" or "I didn't think it would be so busy on Monday." See how he responds. If it's positive, you can continue with a casual conversation and see if he's really engaging you. If you feel that little spark between you, introduce yourself by first name, "Hi I'm Peter." If the conversation continues to flow you can either say, "Hope to see you again!" or hand him you number an say. "Give a call," or, "I'd like to continue this." Keep it simple.
If you were not a joiner in the past you will be now. Join/subscribe to newsletters/newspapers/clubs -- get on organization email lists. There will be no more excuses for why it's not possible meet guys outside the bar scene and introduce yourself to fabulous men all across the country!
Jim Sullivan coaches gay singles on dating and relationship issues and is the author of Boyfriend 101: A Gay Guy's Guide to Dating, Romance, and Finding True Love.
He has 25 years counseling experience and holds masters degrees in counseling from New York University and in religious studies from Manhattan College. Jim has encouraged singles to "make the challenge of dating a positive experience" through appearances on Metro TV's Naked New York, BBC's That Gay Show and makes regular guest appearances on Sirius Satellite Radio's Derrick and Romaine Show. You can learn more about Jim at www.boyfriend101.comWant more love? Go to AOL Personals.