Articles & Advice

Print Article How do you know if she's curious -- or serious? You'd better ask her.

Not that there's anything wrong with it, either way. Fate has placed this bi-beauty into your path, and whatever her story may be, she's definitely got your attention. But what should you do about it? For lesbians, is dating bisexual women a good idea?

Fluid sexuality
Traditionally, lesbians have shied away from dating bisexual women, concerned that the relationship is just an experiment, or that bisexuals just aren't down for the gay/lesbian cause.

But nowadays it's more of a fluid concept, with sexual orientation increasingly seen as falling somewhere on a continuum between straight and gay. Bisexuality is not necessarily a lark, or the expression of an especially ravenous sexual appetite. Plus, one's sexual orientation may change over a lifetime.

It's no longer so black and white, and no longer carved in stone.

Open communication
Start by having an honest talk with her about what you're each looking for in a relationship. Whether you're seeking lifelong love or a frivolous fling, you'll minimize the potential for misunderstanding with some good old-fashioned dialogue.

If it is about curiosity for her, that's cool, as long as you're both up for it -- and realistic about the potential emotional pitfalls of casual involvement. First, be certain that 'no strings' does not translate to 'behind someone else's back.' If the coast is clear and the communication is good, go forth and indulge, albeit safely.

But what if you really want a soul mate and not some no-strings fling? Well, it's not her bisexuality that may make or break your big dream; rather, it's the chemistry, compatibility and common wishes you share. She too may be ready to settle in, and, girl or boy, you might just be the one. Again, the key is communication.

Get real
But first, absolutely promise me she's not thinking that dating a woman will provide an easy escape from her persistent man-troubles. Woman-to-woman relationships can have just as many complications as straight ones. Sure, the issues and interactions might have a different flavor, but Lesbian Utopia is pure myth. Sorry, girls. Relationships of every stripe require care and feeding to keep them healthy.

And do you ever worry she might someday leave you for a man? Well, if she leaves you at all, heartbreak is heartbreak, and it stings bad. But if you'd feel especially betrayed if she were to date a man after dating you, think about that before you get involved.

Examine your motives carefully. Are you following your heart's attraction to her as an individual, or are you also secretly hoping to win her over for the team?

If you choose to date a bisexual woman, be prepared to respect her sexuality as much as you need her to respect yours. If all the stars line up to form a Goddess constellation that sparkles brightly for both of you, then by all means go out and smooch under the moonlit sky.