by Stacy Gilliam, for AOL Personals
For some single sisters, dating is not just about finding Mr. Everything. Bor-ing. This part of their life is called Having Fun, and that includes sampling the variety of goodies at the buffet that is the male population. Does that make her, how do you say, a hussy? Done the right way, absolutely not."Women are multiple-dating more than ever," says Jerusha Stewart, author of "The Single Girl's Manifesta" and a self-described singles concierge, who operates the site www.thelastsinglegirlintheworld.com. "There are so many singles out there, with people getting married later and divorced more often. If you're not trying to be tied down to one person, you can enjoy the company of many men."
It might not be your thing, of course. But if you're going to be a multiple-dater, there's a way to do it tactfully. Keep these ideas in mind:
1. Have some sexual sense. Make sure you're playing it safe. If you plan to sleep with more than one person, be smart and cautious about it. Now that we've got that out of the way...
2. Be clear about your expectations. We're all grown ups. If you're not looking for an exclusive relationship, it's perfectly OK to say so. Then, act accordingly. "We women can confuse our emotions with our expectations," Stewart says. "We might say we're into casual dating, but then act like we're looking for love."
3. Don't change the rules in the middle of the game. You unexpectedly start digging one of your dates. It happens. Share your feelings, but don't expect them to be returned. "When you decide to take a turn, all you can do is see if it's mutual. If it's not, move on," Stewart says. And if you find a guy's trying to get too close and monopolize your time, acknowledge it early. Be true to your motives, and when they shift, pay attention.
4. Keep track. Stewart actually has a friend who uses an Excel spreadsheet to keep up with the men she dates. You might not need that kind of administrative expertise, but do use your own system. "Otherwise, you're lost, and you don't want them to feel like they're being juggled."
5. No double-dating. Try to have two dates in one night, and you end up embarrassing yourself. That's just cocky, right? If you must see two guys within 24 hours, propose a coffee date in the afternoon with one, and cocktails or dinner with another.
6. Do unto others. Use common courtesy. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want done to you on a date. Treat him with respect. Don't talk excessively about other men you date. Don't call other guys, or be rude and answer the call of another man during dinner. Even if he knows you're a casual dater, no need to throw it in his face.
7. Respect the other person's privacy. A casual dater can't get jealous about other women. Remember, the men in your little black book may have a book of women of their own. "This is not the time to be checking his text messages, waiting for him outside restaurants." Don't be the psycho chick.
8. Take a breather. There should be one day of the week that's just about you. You're no fun on a date if you're dead tired. "And hey, just because a man asks you out, doesn't mean you have to say 'yes.'"
Most importantly, Stewart says, have a good time. "You've given yourself the freedom to get to know a man in a non-threatening way. Enjoy it."
Stacy Gilliam is an award-winning freelance journalist living, working and loving in Washington, D.C.
Jul 13th 2008 @ 10:32PM
AL said ...
This is a ridiculous notion. Why am I busting my gut to try to teach my daughter and the many young people I am privileged to work with ...daily to have a high standard? Just because this is 2008 that does not mean throw all values and standards and morals out the window. Whether you like it or not...Good and rightness will prevail and always end up on top. If we are going to move all boundaries, then tell them stealing and killing is fine too. These are human beings...don't play games and don't pretend "if you are clear with your expectations" it won't hurt. THAT'S A COP OUT. You have a platform that many will read!!! Follow your heart when you write and type your conscience...not what you think is accepable. We need sane voices speaking into the world! GOD BLESS YOU! OUT!