Want to be More Attractive? Be Nice!

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Want to be More Attractive? Be Nice!

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Filed under: Attraction , Knowing Yourself, Dating Tips, eHarmony

Posted Aug 27th 2008 7:00AM

man is unhappy with the way woman talks to him

Looking good is something everyone pays attention to. Even if they are blessed with natural good looks, everyone takes the time to get their hair in place and their shirt tucked in before they walk out the door. We don't think twice about taking time to look good.

What if I were to tell you that one of the easiest things you can do to look better is to simply be nice to people? Rather than getting a makeover, you can instantly look better to people you meet by acting with kindness and compassion. Do you believe that? Let's think it through this way.

Say you are at an airport, waiting for a plane, when you overhear someone of the opposite sex talking on the telephone. The person is seated behind you so you can't see him or her. And let's say the person seems to be talking to an assistant who has made a mistake. In a tone that couldn't be more rude or disagreeable, he or she is saying something along the lines of, "Well, I went over this last week, and if I must go over it again perhaps you need to pick up a pencil and write down what I say."

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Compare this with the same scenario, but the person is engaged and cordial while explaining what he or she wants, addresses the person by name, puts the mistake in context, provides a helpful hint on how to handle such situations, and moves on.

When you turn around, who is going to look more attractive to you?
Recent research suggests that individuals who show positive personality traits such as kindness, honesty and helpfulness are perceived as better looking, while those who exhibit negative personality qualities such as unfairness and rudeness appear to be less physically attractive. Participants were shown pictures of people of the opposite sex and asked to rate them by physical attractiveness and desirability as a friend and as a romantic partner. The key to this experiment was that they rated each person both before and after receiving information about the person's personality. First they reacted just to physical appearance, and then they reacted to physical appearance in combination with personality.

Positive personality was found to correlate with a greater desire to be the person's friend. The desire to be a friend led, in turn, to a greater desire to have the person as a romantic partner. Having a desire for a romantic relationship ultimately led participants to view the people in the photos as more attractive.

To put this simply, nice is beautiful!
The findings did not differ based on gender; they were also consistent regardless of how attractive the person was initially perceived to be. That is, even beautiful people benefit by being nice.

The really good news is that we can all learn how to be nice people. Few of us are ever going to look like movie stars, but we can all increase our compassion and kindness. Researchers in Wisconsin found that people can be very easily trained to activate the part of the brain associated with happiness and compassion. By focusing on others and taking time to get outside of our own daily hassles, we do something that people cannot help but find appealing on every level. Beauty does start on the inside.

Next: 4 Signs You're a Control Freak >>

Tags: advice, attraction, chemistry, eharmony, how-to

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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 10)

jim

Aug 29th 2008 @ 8:19AM

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I tried being nice one time for two days straight. It made my head hurt. Every now and then I have to be a bas**** and it feels better.

Hellen

Aug 29th 2008 @ 8:24AM

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I think being Nice is important, but c'mon the guy that you are attracted to at a party is not going to make a beeline for the heavy girl with acne because he heard she was really nice.

For years, I pretended I did not care if I was overweight... I told my other single girlfriends that if a guy is not going to like me for me than I don't want him. I know I am funny, smart and a good person, but I was not having much luck in the dating dept.

I decided to go to Weight Watchers http://www.weightwatchers.com and lost 35 pounds and feel so much better about myself. I think that confidence is another key thing that men find attractive.

I have kept the weight off and am dating someone who likes me and respects me. I start my day with a great breakfast which keeps me from pigging out.
I have banana low fat yogurt and fitflax. Fitflax is a roasted golden flax with chia, that you don't need to grind and it is low carb and low
cal. It kinda tastes like peanut butter and it is loaded with Omega 3's and it makes your hair thicker and your skin glow. The website is http://www.fitflax.com I found a code that I
think is good till the end of the month that gives 15% off It is FIT15

Patricia

Aug 29th 2008 @ 11:26AM

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Everyday, I try to be the best person I can be to everyone. But, I always seem to run across the most rude, and unpleasent people. Then, I think to myself is it even worth taking my time and beinging nice to everyone. I can't tell you how often,I turn my cheek. Therefore, I feel that if someone is rude why bother to show any kindness. We are in a world where people are for themselves. And, I refuse to put up with anyone who has an attitude.

Angie

Aug 29th 2008 @ 12:09PM

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Jim, I love your post! Funny!
Hellen, I too pretended it didn't matter to me if people didn't accept me just the way I was. Eventually I joined Weight Watchers when a friend of mine lost weight with their program. I lost 40 pounds. I loved the way I felt, and it gave me more confidence. All of a sudden my clothes were nicer, my hair was nicer...I took better care of myself. People noticed right away (even at only 8 lbs lost). I think not only are we attractive when we take care of ourselves, but we are more attractive when we are confident. (Maybe it shows that we have less issues? And who wants to date someone with too many issues/drama?)
Patricia, I am reading a book called "Love As A Way of Life." It's written by an author who has written some other great books. It's really a book about how being "loving" can transform your life. He talks about how that includes kindness, patience, forgiveness, courtesy, humility, generosity, and honesty. The book is very detailed and specific. Even though I still encounter all sorts of people with negative/pessimistic attitudes, I seem to encounter more positive people now. I'm not sure if my perception has changed, or if there are just more nice people in my life now. Either way, life is good.

Dawn

Aug 29th 2008 @ 12:56PM

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It is true. Men want cute little body sexy and if you have more weight on you than men would like to see, then all the niceness and compassion and caring in the world won't make you attractive to them.

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