Articles & Advice

How can you move from virtual to reality quickly without creating undue strain on the relationship? There's a balance between being aggressive and looking desperate. Aggression is usually a good thing. You know what you want and you're willing to go after it. Desperation is not so good. You know what you want and you're willing to do anything to get it.

One guy gets the attention; Another guy get none. Which do you want to be?

The Turtle
One approach you can take is the "Turtle". You get to know her, spend time exchanging emails and chatting on the phone. The advantage to this strategy is that you are establishing a foundation for a relationship. The disadvantage is that you don't establish any physical chemistry. There is a certain animal attraction that may or may not be there. You'll never know if all you do is write emails and chat on the phone but they always say slow and steady wins the race.

The Rabbit
The flip side to the "Turtle" is the "Rabbit". This involves proposing a meeting as soon as possible, even the same day. The spontaneity of this approach is exciting works great for women who are bored with their lives and looking for a little adventure.

• The upside: most women who agree to meet quickly are eager for companionship and want to add a little spice to their lives.
• The downside: there may be no connection whatsoever (or she may be imbalanced)

The Fox
Luckily there is a middle ground. The key is to be interested but not too interested. Once you've established a mutual attraction online you can propose meeting offline. That's all it is, a proposition.

Enter the fox.

Once you've decided to actually meet, be smart about the logistics. Never meet for the first time on your home turf (or hers). Find a neutral spot where you're both comfortable. Make sure it's a place you'll never have to come back to if the date is a disaster. I also recommend meeting for drinks or coffee. Don't do dinner unless you're really confident there's a connection. I never do movies. That's what you do once she's your girl and you've got an open afternoon or evening and don't feel like talking to her for two hours.

Over the years I've made the mistakes and had some fun too. My recommendation is to try all three approaches. Figure out what works for you and then stick with that.

Next: Dating & Relationship Tips from a Black Mom