Articles & Advice

Updated January 6, 2010

The fallout from Tiger Woods' indiscretions continues to take its toll. He's lost several lucrative endorsements (he makes $90 Million a year in endorsements), The companies he endorses are claiming upwards of $12 Million in losses from the scandal. Not to mention the damage that has been done to his wife and children. Makes you wonder why a man who seemed to have it all would take such a chance on losing it all?

More than 20 years later, women are still asking similar questions of men. Comedian-turned-dating guru Steve Harvey attempts to help with his hot-selling guide, "Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man." In a chapter on "Why Men Cheat," Harvey says the reasons are varied, ranging from lackluster sex at home to the sheer willingness of the "other women" out there who make it easy.

Not enough, we say. To hear it from the mouths of men, we surveyed a random, anonymous group via Facebook, via the gym, and via some friends of friends to get at the truth. Interestingly, some responses hinted of remorse and regret, others flat-out bravado. But all in all, our participants felt, at the time, their actions seemed like a good idea. Here's a sampling of explanations from men on why they've dipped out on their ladies:

"Vanilla's nice, but sometimes you want cookies and cream. Everybody likes vanilla because you need that consistency. It's not about you. You didn't do anything wrong, you're just not cookies and cream today."

I wanted a freak...
"Well, at a young age of 12 or 13, I was told as a guy, you are to get as much women as you can get. There were times that I would cheat and leave one for the other because the sex was better! I later learned that the feeling of being cheated on was a painful one. I cheated on one young lady because she was a virgin. Me being young and dumb, I wanted a freak. Well, I ended up making a baby with a stranger I didn't know. Karma hit me when my daughter's mother then cheated on me! Sex can be an awesome thing but it has to be done correctly. I'm proud to say I've been clean now for 12 plus years!"

The relationship wasn't working...
"We were growing apart. When I began to thrive in my career, she wasn't with that. She began to feel insecure and not want to spend time with me in the new places I was frequenting. That made it easier to run into new women. She was living with me and I was paying for everything, so I wasn't about to start footing the bill for corporate trips just so she could come. Next thing you know, those good night baby calls from the road started getting few and far in between. I was spending my nights out with other women, real women. One night, one thing led to another, and while my phone was ringing off the hook, I was very pre-occupied. That's when I changed my mind about us. Why would I continue to be nagged by someone who was living for free and still needed me to pay for them to come on the road? What were they really offering?"

An opportunity presented itself...
"I got excited by the thought of getting with a woman while I was out of the country. I thought it would be a good experience to add to the list of my trip's activities. This woman I was attracted to was open to the idea, we did it, and I came home. I have never been one for random sex with strangers. That was my first and only time. I vowed that it wouldn't happen again. Fortunately, I didn't come back with anything but that horrible feeling. Did my girl find out? No, but she saw pictures from the trip and probably assumed that something happened."

Lack of trust...
"I suspected she never had closure with two of her old boyfriends because she stayed in constant contact with them. I didn't trip, but to be honest, my biggest insecurity is when women keep their ex's around. So mentally, I started wondering. Between all of our arguing, I kept pursuing other women. Not for love, just a side hit when I needed it. It still would have taken a certain woman to have me break up with my main girl at this point. Ultimately my, girl got the last laugh. We both lost trust in each other, she was doing her thing, met an old flame and was engaged two months after we broke up."

I was feeding an addiction...
"Some people have addictions to drugs, alcohol, gambling, and my addiction is sex or women. I would get these incredible highs from meeting women and use whatever means to get them to give me exactly what I wanted from them. Even when I met a really good woman, in the back of my mind, once she became intimate with me, everything changed. In a relationship, I couldn't be open and honest, but I could with a woman on the side who I saw merely as an object with no feelings or emotions. What I never understood in all my macho behavior is that as a child I was abused sexually, physically and mentally. As an adult I never confronted these issues but instead brushed them off. These very issues were at the core of problems relating to women. I never allowed myself to become vulnerable, therefore I literally sabotaged every relationship I've had in order to get out of the situation or feed my addiction of feeling high of pursuing women."

Just plain greediness...
"I met a sexy woman at a club. She was married, but unsatisfied. I had a girlfriend. We struck up a hot and heavy telephone conversation as we both planned to step out on our significant others. One day we took advantage of her husband's sickness to plan a rendevouz at my house where she showed up in nothing but daisy dukes, flip-flops and a wrap around top. After an hour of bumpin' and grindin', she got dressed and hurried on back home to her sick, unsuspecting husband for another day in her unsatisfactory life. I cheated because I was just greedy. I wanted to have my cake and eat it, too. Most men who stray do it for this reason, no matter what they say!"

Stacy Gilliam is a freelance writer, living, laughing, and loving in Washington, DC.

Next: Why Men Cheat During the Holidays