Articles & Advice

I was recently talking to a friend (one who's never had any trouble meeting men) and was stunned when she said, "I've never been asked out on a date." What?! She's had booty calls, hooked up at parties, even had a couple boyfriends but never has any guy asked her out on a real date. And when I asked around, I realized that her condition is not so rare. Why is it that some women get asked out all the time and others rarely or not at all? Here, experts offer insight on just that topic. So dust off your dating shoes, try these tips, and get ready to get asked out.

Tip 1: Insist on the best
So there's a guy you like and you're kinda seeing him -- when he texts last-minute and wants to hang out. You wish he'd ask you out for real, but you don't say anything. Newsflash: He likes you, and if you go along with the texting tactic, he thinks you're fine with it. So why would he do the extra work to call you?

You don't have to be high-maintenance to let a guy know how to treat you. "If you settle for less or expect less, you will get less," says licensed family therapist Vanessa Marsot. Stand up for what you want. You may have to say "no" to that next booty call, but if you hold out for what you want, you'll actually get it.

Tip 2: Rid him of rejection fears
Having a guy you don't know start talking to you can be nerve-wracking -- What's he after? Is he into me? we wonder. And while they may seem clueless, men pick up on it when our defenses go up. But instead of interpreting it as a sign that we're nervous, they think we're looking for the nearest exit. "Guys hate rejection," says Steve Santagati, author of The MANual. "Our egos are a lot more fragile than women think."

Tip 3: Keep him talking
Another obstacle to old-fashioned courtship is when a conversation loses momentum. Instead of smiling their way through an awkward silence, many men take that pause to be a woman's way of saying, "I can't wait to get rid of you." So think of three good, creative questions you can ask in the event that someone you're interested in starts talking to you. For example:

Where were you born? (Good start.)
Where would you like to travel to that you've never been before? (Better.)
Wanna have a thumb war? (Ding! Homerun!)

Asking questions will show even the most timid of men that you're interested and keep him talking until he asks you out... or at least gets your number.

Tip 4: Give him a preview
You don't have to ask a guy out to be the one to initiate contact. Instead, suggest plans and think of it as a "pre-date"... a date to see if you want to go on a date. You can figure out if you'd even be interested in the person, and you get to pick the location and time. Do something casual like a hike, a ball game, or lunch. You get to see each other with your defenses down, and once you've hung out in a friendly way, he'll have the motivation (because he's seen how hot you are) -- and comfort (he knows you're up for spending time with him) -- to schedule something more romantic. You don't have to make the first move, but a pre-date gives him an excellent opportunity to do so.

Tip 5: Practice, practice, practice
Making seamless conversation and dating the right way may seem impossibly foreign, but the more you do it, the more naturally it'll come. "A date may not be with the man of your dreams, but it's practice, and once you're in the zone, it's easy to stay there," says Anna David, the relationship expert on G4's Attack of the Show! and author of Party Girl. So practice getting asked out, and practice dating. Practice saying yes when you're invited to things. You may have an awkward pre-date with someone who isn't right for you. That's OK -- no, actually, it's great! Practice asking questions even if you're not interested in dating that particular person. Most importantly... practice saying "no" to people who aren't giving you what you are looking for. Soon the only guys in your orbit will be the ones who do ask you out, and you'll wonder why you ever needed this article!

Freelance writer and full-time dater CJ Arabia is the Editorial and Community Manager for www.dotcomedy.com and has written for numerous websites and TV shows on FOX, Showtime, Comedy Central, ABC and Disney.

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