Articles & Advice

Our friends at Lemondrop recently posted a fascinating list of 10 Things Guys Don't Get About Women. While seemingly exhaustive (their list includes women's fascination with decorative pillows, greeting cards, and bubble baths), I think they missed a few key items.

Based on a lifetime of dating debacles and foot-in-mouth disease, here's my list of things men – or rather I – don't get about women...

10. I don't notice your shoes.
I'm sorry... As hard as I try to remember, I NEVER remember to look at your shoes when I see you. I NEVER think to remark on your outfit, your purse, or the slight change you made to your hair. I'm too distracted by the thrill I get from seeing you again – that I don't notice anything else. Most guys care very little about their own clothing, so it's hard for us to empathize with women who do.

9. It's a food menu, not an SAT.
The moment we decide where we're going to eat, I already know what I'm going to order. During the drive there, my mouth is watering at the thought of biting into a juicy ribeye steak. By the time we sit down at the table, I'm bursting at the seams, ready to order. ...And there you are reading the menu like it's Moby Dick. ...Asking questions from the waiter like the teacher's pet all of your classmates hate. By the time you make a decision to get a salad, I want to hand you a diploma.

8. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't be with you.
It's that simple. You should have no doubt about my feelings for you, if I want to spend time with you. You shouldn't question my feelings for you when I occasionally don't take your call (I'm busy), or refused your leftover mashed potatoes (I'm full), or don't want to dance with you at the club (I'm a bad dancer). The fact that I'm with you and want to be with you as much as possible is all the evidence you need to know I love you.

7. Let's skip the DTR conversation.
What's the point in "defining the relationship" once we've hung out alone together 5-10 times, have kissed, and expect to see each other every weekend? We're dating. We're girlfriend and boyfriend. It's obvious. Why do we need to have a conversation to "make it official?"

6. You trust your girlfriends more than me.
I get it. You've known them longer than me. They don't have ulterior motives (as far as you know). And you need the council of good friends. But at some point, please tell me you're going to trust my judgment as much as theirs.

5. This place is as good as any.
I'm very forward-thinking and don't dwell on the past very much. When it comes to having a first kiss, or saying "I love you" for the first time, or proposing, I want to do it as soon as I'm ready. Doesn't matter where. But women – and justifiably so – want the memory of those moments to be special and dramatic. They want these things to happen in a romantic setting – like a park or a candlelight dinner. They want to have a good story to tell their girlfriends. In this case, I've learned my practicality is secondary to appearance.

4. Let me be chivalrous.
Call me old fashioned, but I like to do things to show my love for you. I like to open doors, pay for dinner, and pick you up. But I don't want you to call these out as big deals. Just let me play my role of the white knight and just say "thanks."

3. I don't think you're a slut.
I understand your hesitation in moving forward too quickly. You don't want to be perceived as a slut or as being too easy. But playing hard-to-get is just annoying – and it may even force me to move on. If we're both head over heels for each other, don't be afraid to let it show. I'm certainly not.

2. We BOTH plan dates and activities.
I once dated a girl who wouldn't lift a finger. She would never call or email me to initiate plans to hang out – yet still expected us to go out regularly. I finally stopped contacting her just to see how long it would take for her to make an effort. She never did. Instead, she got pissed and unfriended me on Facebook. Planning dates and social activities is a two-person job.

1. Awkward is awesome.
Awkward moments in a dating relationship can be devastating. It sucks out all of the romance during a date and can cause both partners to doubt the future of the relationship. But how lucky you are to find someone who can revel in the awkward moments, call attention to them, and talk through them with you in that moment! I love awkward moments. They draw out the true character of the person I'm with. If she's uncomfortable and tries to skirt the issue or move past it, then I know that's how she's going to deal with problems down the road. But if she confronts the awkward moments with humor and attempts to deal with them right away, then I know we'll be able to get through just about anything.

Michael Tolosa is a writer and filmmaker living in the suburbs of Washington, DC. Though still single, he has recently met the love of his life.