Articles & Advice

Jeanette: Time for a new question: "I'm in love with my co-worker. Should I pursue, and how do I express interest without getting fired?"

Jeff: My personal take on office romance is: "Don't." That's me. I have not personally experienced it, but I've seen it, and it rarely comes to anything good.

Jeanette: Now, my take on it is this – there are two issues. One is, your company may have a policy against dating co-workers, so consider if this person is even remotely interested in you or if it's just a one-sided crush, in which case, just ditch the idea, and move on. If it's a two-way thing, you should be able to go talk to your boss and say "We're in love, and one of us will be quitting this job if necessary to pursue this relationship." Secondly, even if your company doesn't forbid office romance, you should not pursue a relationship with a co-worker unless you're totally sure that it will end well, and that this person will reciprocate in full, because if it's a train wreck, you might still have to quit your job and go somewhere else.

Jeff: Most office romances – if we were to apply "The Office" as a measuring stick – will not end up like Jim and Pam. They'll be more like Michael and Jan.

Jeanette: And that might end up with a broken sliding glass door covered with a tarp, and all sorts of scented candles that are not the lucrative business that you'd like it to be.

Jeff: So should you pursue? No.

Jeanette: Oh, wait... there's a third example, which would be Kelly Kapur and Ryan, and that's another kind of office romance you don't want.

Jeff: Yes, if those two are the closest match to you, then neither of you are capable of being in a healthy relationship. So again – Don't Do It. The odds of an office romance really turning into something lasting are slim. Obviously that doesn't mean it's impossible, but understand this above anything else: The chances of it succeeding are at the very least no better than any other relationship. The potential upside is about the same, but the potential downside is far, far, far worse. You still work with this person, and...

Jeanette: And you might have to quit your job...

Jeff: ...at the very least, if things go poorly, your job is going to be...

Jeanette: ...awkward...and if it's really awful, you might have to quit to get away from that person.

Jeff: So if a failed relationship potentially means that you might be out of work, especially in this economy, take that as an extra reason to consider if it's worth that potential fallout if things go poorly. Is this person worth losing a job over?

Jeanette: Didn't I just say that like five minutes ago? Are you even listening to me?

Jeff: I'm sorry, what? I was thinking of some circus animals I saw once, doing a trick. Two elephants, and there seemed to be a good deal of tension between the two. I'm guessing they'd recently broken up. It definitely affected their performance.

Jeff & Jeanette are professional writers living in the Seattle area. They are not professional therapists, but hope to help with your relationship dilemmas anyway. Send your questions to jeffandjeanette@aol.com.