Articles & Advice

Jeanette: So, today's topic is, drumroll please?

Jeff: "How important are common interests in a relationship?"

Jeanette: Very, very good question! What say you, husband of mine?

Jeff: Important, but you shouldn't have some huge checklist when considering a potential mate.

Jeanette: I would say that with regard to one of last week's blogs (about winning over the parents of your significant other) it is usually fairly important to share religious and political views – unless you're James Carville and Mary Matalin, I guess. And that's not to say that different viewpoints can't happily co-exist. Some will amicably agree to disagree about religion and politics, but for most of us that's not the case.

Jeff: But when it comes to interests other than the two things you're not supposed to talk about at parties, you don't have to agree on everything. You just need overlap. No two people are ever going to like all of the same stuff, but there should be some things that the two of you both enjoy.

Jeanette: Values in general are important to share as far as common interests go. But then there are such things as hobbies. Hobbies can be what brought you together to begin with, such as if you met because of a mutual love of rock climbing, stamp collecting, or underwater basket weaving. If you already share a huge common hobby or interest, then you're going to have a lot of mutual time spent.

Jeff: Absolutely. And NOT liking all of the same things should not be considered a negative. It gives you a chance to spend some time apart pursuing your own interests, which makes it more special when you come together to engage in something you both enjoy.

Jeanette: And, for that matter, it should also give you a reason to try to learn about the other's interests. I keep meaning to learn more about football, and Jeff keeps meaning to learn more about opera, right?

Jeff: The problem with opera is it has clowns.

Jeanette: True. Pagliacci, for one.

Jeff: Mmmm....I could go for a slice of hot buttered pagliacci bread right now.

Jeanette: Jeff is thinking of pugliesi.

Jeff: Which brings us back to common interests. One big one is food! You gots ta eat.

Jeanette: Jeff likes my food, and I like to cook and eat it, too. Therefore we have a commonality there. But yes – there could be grievances in a relationship if you never overlap on anything. If you're fully into art galleries, and sushi, and your significant other is into nothing but meat and potatoes, and bowhunting, maybe you're not going to click so well.

Jeff: Yeah, there's little potential for long-term success if you've got truly nothing in common. It might work for a short-term fling, like if you've got an uptown girl who's been living in her white bread world, and now she's looking for a downtown man. But that's ultimately probably not going anywhere.

Jeanette: I mean, look at Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley.

Jeff: I wonder if people realized that Billy Joel wasn't selling them a recipe for relationship success with that song.

Jeanette: I think that could be said for many hit songs from the last 40 years. In truth, don't look to Hit Radio of any kind for relationship advice. Instead, look to us, your faithful bloggers!

Jeff: Way to plug the blog, honey. Good job.

Jeff & Jeanette are professional writers living in the Seattle area. They are not professional therapists, but hope to help with your relationship dilemmas anyway. Send your questions to jeffandjeanette@aol.com.