Baby Boomer Love:
Older Women And Younger Men

By Rachel Greenwald
Courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazine


Dear Rachel,
I am a 50-year-old woman who has recently started dating a 34-year-old man. He wrote to me after viewing my Love@AOL by Match.com online profile, and at first, I didn’t write him back. I thought he was joking. After he wrote me a second time, I responded that I thought his profile looked intriguing, but the age difference made a chance at romance too unlikely. He was very persuasive: Bottom line, we met, had instant chemistry, and have been on six wonderful dates so far. We have many things in common and he makes me laugh. He seems like a mature, sincere and warm person.

Neither one of us has ever been married before. He has told me up front that he doesn’t want to have children, so my age is not a problem for him. However, the age difference seems to be a big problem for me! I am embarrassed to tell my friends that I am dating someone 16 years younger, and I’m also worried that this is some kind of fling for him, or, at worst, a sign that he needs therapy to resolve some mommy issues (although he has not told me about any problems or issues with his mother). I want to find the right man and get married one day, and if he isn’t serious about me, I’d rather not waste my time and risk the heartache. What should I do? Can love ever end happily for an older woman and younger man?
-Margaret in New Jersey



Dear Margaret,
You are on the cutting edge of dating today! By far the biggest trend in dating that I have seen in the last couple of years has been the emergence of older women/younger men couples. And most of them seem happy and accepted by society. Remember that many years ago, homosexual and lesbian couples were shocking and now they are so commonplace that most people (at least under the age of 60) don’t blink an eye. I believe the same is true for older women/younger men couples: Somehow, they don’t seem taboo anymore. Isn’t that great?


You seem to have two issues here: What your friends will think and your own anxieties. As far as the first one goes, I think you’d be surprised how your friends will react. I bet most of them will be jealous! Perhaps there will be some surprised comments from your friends initially, but you yourself will ultimately set the tone for their reactions. If you present your relationship to them as healthy, happy and loving, they are likely to respect your choice. Since you have only been on six dates with this man, maybe you should wait a bit longer to tell them (so you’ll be certain this is a real relationship).


The second issue is more serious, because your anxieties may be holding you back from finding love. Everything that you are worried about will be an issue regardless of age: Whether your new beau is 34 or 54, it’s always possible that he thinks you’re just a fling, or that he has emotional issues with his mother, or many other problems. Don’t assume that a younger man has any greater or lesser chance of being your future husband. Especially since he has already told you that he doesn’t want children, it seems to make sense that he is interested in dating older women (most women in their 30’s want children, so I give him credit for seeking the right dating audience).

This man might be everything you are looking for, but wrapped in a package you weren’t expecting. Focus on what kind of person he is and how he makes you feel—he sounds pretty wonderful to me. I have seen many happily married older women/younger men couples and I’m glad that we live in an era where these couples are socially acceptable, just as older men/younger women couples have been accepted for centuries!

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Rachel Greenwald, M.B.A., is the author of The New York Times Best Selling book Find a Husband After 35 Using What I Learned at Harvard Business School. She appeared on The Today Show and has been featured in Oprah Magazine, Fortune Magazine, and People Magazine..


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