Dear Sugar & Spice ... I'm in an 18-month relationship with a guy who I think might be the one who I actually marry. We have a solid relationship, except for the fact that he travels so much for his job. He is kind of secretive, turning off his phone at night. He barks at me not to look in his briefcase or any of his stuff. Naturally, I get my dating advice from girlfriends. One girlfriend told me to let it go -- that he's just quirky. Another girlfriend's dating advice was that he's cheating and that I need to break it off. My mom's dating advice is to do whatever makes me happy. What do you think?
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A Little Sugar
It's normal to start evaluating your relationship at this point. However, you're starting to titer over into the realm of crazy when you start suspecting him of anything, even cheating. What's next that he's a secret agent? If you're starting your relationship off like this, then you'll greet him with suspicion at every turn (Hint to Males -- Bail now if she acts like this). Maybe the real issue is that he's a road warrior, and this is not the type of relationship you're looking for? This works for some, but not for everyone -- especially me. I want and expect a best friend/lover who is with me every step of the way 24/7, not just on weekends. I recently had to deal with my lover living away in Denver this summer while on temporary assignment. Even with the distance, I managed to fly out there each weekend or he back home. The point is we made certain that business travel didn't disrupt what we had so you should do the same and go with him. This gets you away from home, exploring new sights, and most definitely, your nose out of his briefcase!
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A Lot of Spice
I tend to agree with your mom -- if he makes you happy, then go for it. I do wonder though, what about this relationship makes you happy enough to want to marry him? You obviously don't trust him, or his briefcase and phone habits wouldn't bother you so much. Are you willing to be in a relationship where you'll always be worried about what he's doing on his business trips, or whose call he's trying to avoid when you are together? At the very least, you should talk to him about your concerns. Along with trust, an important characteristic of a good relationship is the ability to communicate.