Dear Sugar & Spice ... I have been dating a man for almost a year now who does not express any affection unless I prompt him. I've done some research to try to figure out what is holding him back. I believe much of it comes from his childhood, but I think his fear of intimacy is compounded by women who have wronged him in the past. We spend a lot of quality time together and, when we're having fun, it sure feels like we belong together. I am ready to settle down with him, but he keeps giving me mixed messages. A year ago, I thought I would take all this on and stay with him through it, but isn't my own life too important for all of this? Even though I am resisting, it seems that I should move on. Is there hope at the end of this tunnel?
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A Little Sugar
Seems like you having the one-year mark blues where you are really evaluating if it is right or if you should cut bait and move on. A year is certainly enough time to know and, I suspect you kind of already know what the outcome should be, so I won't bother getting the crystal ball out for this one.
A relationship requires work on both ends and right now you have needs that he has failed to recognize. Sure, no one is perfect and this guy sounds like he isn't completely focused on you more less a relationship -- is even the sex worthwhile? I recommend you communicate your intent, but have your bags packed since you are moving back into the dating scene. Some people just aren't meant to be in relationships! Chime In | Meet Sugar
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A Lot of Spice
Why, why, why do we women do this to ourselves? I have tried to rescue so many broken men in my life, thinking that my love would fix them if I just hung in there long enough. Not. It didn't happen, not even once, and I can't tell you how disappointing it is to look up a year or two later and realize that he is still the same depressed, stressed out, emotionally distant guy he was when I first met him. Oh wait, it looks like you already know that feeling. By your own admission, you're not getting what you need or want from him, and, unless I missed this part, apparently he's not making any strides to fix himself. I know you're hoping the guy will get it together, but if he's not working on his problems, what exactly are you sticking around to work through? Chime In | Meet Spice