Dear Sugar & Spice ... I met a guy who I recently became intimate with for the first time three weeks ago. Neither of us have been with anyone since our divorces (me - seven years & he - four years). He did tell me before I slept with him that he didn't want to lead me on. He's not sure what he wants at this moment since he's intensely focused on his two children. I do not want to chase him, but I know he's attracted to me. I am at a loss to figure men out -- we have such a great time together, but what now? Do I contact him and see what happens?
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A Little Sugar
I've always lead with my heart when looking for the ideal mate. My love of eleven years wasn't an instant score when we first met. I knew from first sight, and the words we shared, that there was so much more that was going to happen. I knew it, but it took time for him to see it as well. With a little persuasion, he came to see me as a prize worth keeping. So the chase, you mentioned, doesn't have to be more than just an investment of time to get to know him better. We can't force someone to love us, but after a month or so you'll know if there's something more. As for understanding men, you never will so just go along for the ride. Bottom line is that we, men, will never ask for directions so expect to get lost once in a while. Regardless, we always get you to where you want to be and, at which point, we eventually see eye-to-eye.
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A Lot of Spice
In a word, yes, but not for the reasons you think. Call him only if you want to talk to him, not because you want to figure him out. If he's not interested, hopefully he'll be as honest as he was before you slept together, and you'll be able to move on. Btw, if you decide to sleep with a man who tells you he's not looking for anything serious, you should believe him. Doesn't mean you shouldn't sleep with him, but just be aware -- and prepared -- for
whatever the consequences will be. The sex is better that way anyway. :)