Dear Sugar & Spice ... I'm a middle-aged Jewish woman who has never been married. I used to go to Jewish events looking for a mate when I was younger, but had no success. And as I got older, I became more removed from the events since they cater to a younger set of single women. So, I started going to single events sponsored by a local church, because they are much more sensitive to the needs of singles my age. In fact, I was surprised to see how many other Jewish women were at the church singles event. At this point in life, I think that if I am given the choice of having a good, permanent relationship with a man my own age, versus keeping my Judaism, I would choose the man. Does that make me wrong?
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A Little Sugar
Religion is an interesting thing since I look at it somewhat differently -- as I hear my grandmother roll over in her grave. I was raised Methodist and, at age 18, my parents gave me the choice to continue with church or not. I ended up taking the road that doesn't involve an organized religion. That doesn't mean I lack faith or a sense of self, I just don't necessarily need a building of people to define who I am.
To this day, I still draw upon my formative years as a Methodist to guide me in my decisions today. That said, I don't let religion rule my heart but I do let it comfort it. You may or may not live by every rule of Judaism, but it's a part of you -- a guiding principle -- that no one can take away. I think you should live life, but live to love since that's key to being human. So now, I'll step down from the pulpit before I get struck by lightening.
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A Lot of Spice
The simple answer is no, you aren't wrong for wanting to be in a relationship with a man that you think will make you happy, even if he's not Jewish. Where you are wrong though, is believing that you have to give up Judaism to do it. Interfaith-marriages are on the rise in the U.S. and according to the Journal of Marriage and Family, about half of all Jews born after 1950 marry someone of another faith. I doubt that they all gave up Judaism for love. Granted, there will be a lot of compromising and you'll have to work to keep the lines of communication open, but hey, those are good qualities for any relationship, don't you think? Since you're actually starting to go to church singles events, you might want to start thinking about some of the things you're willing to give up -- and what you aren't -- should you find the Christian man of your dreams. Mazel Tov! Chime In | Meet Spice