Dear Sugar & Spice ... I go out on dates and, within the first 30 minutes, I know if he's a dud or not. I am not a rude person so I don't end the date abruptly. When it does end though, it is clear to me that there is no interest for a second date. My dates, however, don't have a clue. They end up calling the next day and leaving a message trying to set up a second date. I figure if I don't return the call, they'll know that I am not interested. My friends tell me I should call back and say thanks, but no thanks. How do you tell your date you're really not interested?
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A Little Sugar
I have to side with your friends. Even though it's just one date, you need to close out unfinished business. Imagine if he acted like you and didn't return your call. Dog ... pig ... are probably a couple words you'd use to describe him. Actions like this make people give up on dating all together. At the end of the date just say thanks and wish him well. Was that so hard? Otherwise, you have a guy who probably got your signals crossed. And unless he hears it straight from your lips, he'll never know where you stand. Chime In | Meet Sugar
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A Lot of Spice
Your friends are right; not calling back is not a clear way to say you're not interested. Sure it's uncomfortable to tell somebody there's no love connection, but it's even more uncomfortable to avoid the unsuspecting suitor each time he calls. You say you're not a rude person, but not returning somebody's phone call is rude. Leaving them to wonder why you're not calling is rude. Not telling them that you're not interested so that they can move on, is rude. If you really want to show that you're a dater of good moral fiber, then start the conversation by telling him that even though he's a (nice, smart, funny, great) guy, you just don't see a future for the two of you. That should do the trick. Chime In | Meet Spice