Dear Sugar & Spice ... I've known and worked with this guy for years. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be attracted to him. He liked me when I was engaged, and then he moved away to get married. He's back now at our office only now to find we're both divorced. We decided to be ''friends with benefits'' and have fun. I've fallen for him so now what?
Search for Local Singles
A Little Sugar
Don't forget what you both signed up for. Sex ... sex and even more sex! That is, meaning, sex without feelings and any other commitment. Sex is like eating or drinking. You need it to survive, well at least I do, and there's nothing wrong with turning it into a pure transaction. Business is business so you have to respect that he went into this with the same expectation you did. It's unfair for you to shift gears and expect him to do the same. If the sex is good, then don't stop. Eventually, he might come around and be of similar mindset. The challenge, though, is that men are great at disconnecting emotion with sex so don't bank on it. If you want love, you might want look elsewhere since you'll risk losing not only good sex, but a friend too!
Take a Look! She Might Just Be Here
A Lot of Spice
Dang, I wish you had written me before you decided to go the "friends with benefits" route. Always, always, always somebody's feelings get caught up and ends right where you are -- wanting more and feeling stuck with less. Maybe I wouldn't have been able to spare you, but I could have at least tried. Sigh. The only thing to do now is to stop the benefits and go back to being just friends. Once you remove the sex from the relationship, you'll be in a better position to talk to him about what you'd really like from him -- commitment, monogamy, whatever. That way, if he says he's not interested in anything more, you will have already put your cookies back in the jar. All you'd have to do is put a lid on it.