Dear Sugar & Spice ... What do you do when you've loved each other for over 30 years, yet due to two bad marriages each, he is afraid of becoming anything more than just friends? The love I have is deep for him and I feel, at some point, I will have to let go and be disappointed for the rest of my life. I have said I love you so many times -- expressing how I really feel -- since I am grateful for the things he has done for me. However, I have never said I need you. Provide some light on this situation because I feel he is my dream partner and we do not have a lot time left
at 60+ years old.
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A Little Sugar
You're lucky! You have everything that you want in a relationship, but just don't realize it. You've known this man for over thirty years which is a very strong bond that I admire and strive to have with my current love. I'd take a best friend or companion over marriage any day -- not uncommon for our AOL Personals members aged 50+. You've been married, twice I see, so why would you want to do it again? Even though you haven't told him that you need him, you really have, and to each other, as evident in you're 30+ year friendship. If there's something more you want from him, i.e., commitment, tell him. Before you do, think about what you have and what you're missing since I bet you have it all. It's just probably defined a little bit differently than the norm. A marriage certificate does not define a relationship and it's your bond that, frankly, is the golden part of where you are in life.
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A Lot of Spice
I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you can't make your friend do anything he doesn't want to do, no matter how appreciative, loving, expressive and grateful you are. The good thing is, his reasons for not wanting to get more serious with you have nothing to do with how good a friend you are to him. He's got his baggage from past failed relationships, and that means he doesn't want to take a chance on failing with you. That means, you'll have to accept that you'll just be friends. But from the way you describe your relationship, that's not a bad thing. So, enjoy what you have with him, and stop worrying about what you don't have.