Dear Sugar & Spice ... I have a male friend who is 50 whereas I am 35. We have kind of started a ''friends with benefits'' arrangement, but we haven't verbally said that's what it is. When I ask him if we have a relationship, he tells me our connection is whatever I want it to be. It's starting to bother me more and more since I feel that I am just for show when I accompany him on many of his business engagements. Given that he is 50, he can flaunt me around as a younger lady. We continue to have hot conversations about what we have and, the last time, he blew up claiming that's how he talks to all his friends. What do you think we have?
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A Little Sugar
Here's a perfect example where communication, or rather lack of, has created two totally different realities. The relationship started as pure sex, but you've jumped on the train heading to the next place while he's still back at the station drinking his coffee. Since sex was the basis of everything, he may never ever move to the next relationship stage since this is all he really signed up for. And it appears that you went into this expecting something totally different. I say enjoy the sex and, if he doesn't want anymore than that, then look elsewhere. But with the next guy, you need to be upfront with your expectations since alternative motives only hurt. Send a clear message and you won't be disappointed since you'll always know where things stand -- pro or con.
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A Lot of Spice
I think you answered your own question about what kind of relationship it is, and you don't need me, Sugar, or the guy you're seeing to define it. You really need to be asking yourself a different question, so I'll ask it for you: are you happy and satisfied with what you have, whatever it is? If you are, there's no need to give it a formal name or definition. It is what it is, so have sex, be the younger trophy at his events and enjoy. If you're not happy though, maybe you could talk to him about the kind of relationship you really want rather than drill him to define the relationship you have. If he's not interested in more, then you can decide how much longer you want to be his, um, friend.