Dear Sugar & Spice ... I am dating someone who recently told me that we need to slow things down. Being concerned, I decided to go see her in person to talk through the issue only to have her close the door on my face. She told me she didn't feel like being bothered -- end of conversation. It's very strange behavior and I felt like she had someone inside her place the night I showed up. Since that night, she has become distant. Do you think she is seeing someone else? Are there signs I should look for?
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A Little Sugar
Move on! It's apparent that her interest is elsewhere regardless if there's another man in her life. You need to be less concerned about her cheating and more about the actions you took that may have driven her off. Did you come off needy? Were you there when she needed you the most? When relationships head south, the catalyst doesn't have to be another person. As much as we want to deflect the blame, sometimes it comes back to our actions. Someone who ends up cheating is looking for something that he/she wasn't getting from the relationship. Maybe she wanted kinky sex or just someone who would listen. Learn from this to become a better person and strive to create open and honest communication -- the best way to lessen the chance of straying.
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A Lot of Spice
I'm not sure what part of ''we need to slow things down'' meant ''come by anytime you want to.'' Come on, people! We've got to be better listeners in our relationships. Most of the time, if you take people at face value and stop trying to find the underlying meaning to everything, you're much better off. You don't have to look for signs; she told you exactly how she felt. So it doesn't really matter whether she's seeing someone else, going through something personal or she'd rather spend more time alone. The bottom line is, she doesn't want to spend as much time with you as she used to. So, just slow it down.
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What Others Are Saying
- ''I know people who act like this when they are ready to end the relationship, but don't want to be the one who ends the relationship. A friend of mine sees himself as this really nice guy and thinks that, if he does the breaking up, then he isn't the nice guy anymore. So he acts distant and snappish until his current girlfriend gets fed up and breaks up with him instead.'' -- Rbboo
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