Dear Sugar & Spice ... When do you tell a date that you've had cancer? My left breast is ''disfigured'' due to two lumpectomies. I almost feel like I am being deceptive, but then I think someone who really cares about me should be able to deal with it. What do you think? Is there a right time to discuss something
this important?
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A Little Sugar
Don't let your breast disfiguration get in the way of the fun you deserve. We all have things that we perceive will be ''issues'' for the other person, for me it's my preoccupation with time. When you first meet, how well do you know the other person? You certainly don't know his salary. How about his criminal record? How about his marriage record? Does he leave the toilet seat up? So let a date be just that, an opportunity to get to know a person at the surface. Everyone wants to qualify a date within the first 30 minutes, but it's not going to happen. In time, you'll know what and when to share -- he too. What is important to uncover early on is if your date is honest. And if he is, you need to reel that one in since he's worth keeping.
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A Lot of Spice
Congratulations on surviving breast cancer! Usually I would say that the right time is whenever you feel that it's right, but in this case, I think that's only part of the answer. I know you want to be able to date without the pressure of having something heavy to reveal, and then there's the fine line of not waiting too long so as not to appear deceptive. Know this: It's not deceptive to take your time getting to know someone before you let them in too deep. I think you made a great point in your question -- somebody who cares about you would be able to handle it. Just remember, getting close to someone takes time, so don't feel bad about giving him -- and yourself -- a little before you share.