Commitment -- Is It a One Way Love?
Dear Sugar & Spice ... I met a man on an online dating service who takes very good care of his body and can easily pass for a man in his 50s. On the third date, he confessed his true age and apologized for misleading me. I am 46 and, as I found out, he is 71. We have a great time together and I am extremely fond of him. Sex is great and he is very attentive to my needs. I have a busy career and he is semi-retired and not interested in a long-term relationship. He has said to me, on multiple occasions, to go find a younger man if that is what I want. The problem is that I don't want anyone else and, from his comment, I am not sure if he is equally crazy for me. What should I do?
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A Little Sugar
It doesn't look like age is an issue for either party -- why wouldn't he like a younger woman like you? I think the issue is, as you suspected, that you both don't share the same feelings for each other. He might be looking at severing what you have, but trying to do it in a subtle way. It's probably too subtle that you're not picking up on the message he wants to send. Remember he's 25 years your senior and, though younger/older relationships do work, there are generational differences in how we communicate with each other. Hear him out and clue in on anything that might/indicate that it's not working so you can cut the cord. It might not be what you want to hear, but at least you've had some great sex in the meantime.
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A Lot of Spice
You should continue to enjoy his company for as long as you can. It's not everyday you find a man of any age that you connect with, so why ruin it by forcing a commitment? True, he shouldn't have lied about his age. But now that you know, understand that it means he's in a different dating stage than you are. That stage happens to not to include anything long-term, but it doesn't mean he's not in to you. A man who's attentive to your needs is definitely in to you, but he's right; if a long-term relationship is what you want, you should look for someone else.