Gay & Lesbian Love:
Are You Two Peas in a Pod?

By Analise Pendergast
Courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazine

The old adage that opposites attract does not always hold true, especially in the lesbian community. In fact, some lesbian couples share so many things in common that they practically seem to be mirror images of one another. If you and she sport the same haircut, wear the same sandals, and finish each other's sentences with regularity, are you at risk of merging into one big inseparable unit? And, is that okay?

Is it a girl thing? Actually, lesbian couples do not own the patent on merger. Long-term couples of any stripe are rumored to begin looking more alike, sounding more alike, and thinking more alike over time. In some cases, it can reflect a serene and symbiotic blending of personalities; in others, the partners may feel pressured to compromise their individuality for the sake of matching up neatly with their so-called ''other half.'' Sure, lesbians do it, but so does everyone else sometimes.

Peas in a pod, or apples and oranges? Ideally, in a healthy relationship, the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Each person is lifted to a higher level thanks to the love, support, and companionship offered by the relationship. In turn, the couple itself develops a strong identity as a unit, with a vibe and a social life all its own. But the brand of relationship that best fosters this nurturing environment can be as individual as the individuals themselves. For some, a spacious partnership with plenty of independence is the best match. For others, a very close-knit bond with a likeminded companion is a better fit.

Elena shares, ''Maria and I met two years ago, and from day one we were total soulmates. I couldn't believe that on our first date she was finishing my sentences and I was finishing hers -- like we already knew each other's thoughts! And it was amazing how we pretty much liked all the same things -- the same music, the same kinds of food, the same places to go out. Our friends call us ''las gemelas''(the twins) because they think we even kind of look and dress alike. But I don’t care -- I just love being so close with someone who's like a sister, a lover, and a best friend all in one.”

Karen says, ''I honestly think Meg and I were more merged ten years ago than we are today. There was an atmosphere of solidarity in the lesbian community in which we met, and it carried right into our relationship in terms of how we dressed, how we thought about social/political issues, and lifestyle choices we made. But after being together for this long, the strength of our relationship has allowed each of us to grow and change over time as individuals. Our personal interests (and our fashion sensibilities!) have evolved along individual paths, yet our love and commitment remain strong. We no longer feel any need to present a united front as a couple -- we can just be ourselves, and our friends and community accept us lovingly no matter what.''

To each her own. When it comes to the question of merger within a lesbian relationship, there's no absolute right or wrong. As long as the overall atmosphere is one in which each member of the pair feels celebrated and supported for being the hot stuff that she is, then the permutations are as plentiful as the multitudes of fascinating women walking the planet.

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