Gay & Lesbian Love:
Inspiring Ways to Celebrate V-Day

By Tracie Potochnik
Courtesy of Match.com's Happen magazine

For even the most romantically-inclined people (and not just those who are single), Valentine's Day is a holiday that can be anticipated with some combination of cynicism and dread. To a suitor overwhelmed by the sheer variety of candy hearts available, February 14 can appear to mean more to the folks selling the greeting cards and diamonds than those buying them.

And when you're gay, the abundance of cards featuring the cute little boy and girl holding hands and the ads encouraging the manly husband to buy a big rock for his swooning wife can make the cynicism come in spades. No Defense of Valentine's Day Amendment has yet been proposed to Congress, but the one holiday of the year dedicated strictly to romance clearly has something of a heterosexual target audience and is marketed as such.

But just as we all--gay or straight--share the ability to love, we all have the right to indulge the parts of ourselves that really like getting flowers and chocolate and, yes, even cards with sappy poems. While doing so, we can also embrace being gay, support the gay community, and make our relationships more visible to the rest of the world. As Sara Leone, 44, from Mystic, Connecticut says, "Visibility is important on Valentine's Day -- simply to make the holiday more about love as opposed being about "this one buys flowers, this one coos with delight." Whether you want to a make a statement that's subtle or strong or are simply looking for a few ideas, read on and have a Gay Valentine's Day.

Get out of town
Whether you're hitting the slopes or heading south to the beach, a trip out of town can create lasting memories for a new relationship or put the spark back into a long-term partnership. However, if you want to avoid the fisheye from the hotel clerk or innkeeper that every traveling gay couple has had to deal with at one time or another when requesting the room with a two-person Jacuzzi tub, do a little work before you hit the road. Janet Tompkins, 32, from St. Louis, Missouri, says, "I've had too many romantic weekends get off to an awkward start when the guy at the front desk sees me with my girlfriend, looks strangely at the reservation, then asks if we want two double beds. Now when I make a reservation by phone or email, I mention my partner, Kimberly, by name when I say that there will be double occupancy. It takes away some of the anxiety." And there are some online resources that can help you out. Both Bluway (www.bluway.com/) and Gay.com (www.gay.com/travel/) offer resources for the savvy gay traveler including gay-friendly destinations, lodging, and attractions. In addition, several mainstream travel booking sites have resources for finding gay and lesbian-friendly travel deals and accommodations. You might also want to check out Pink Choice (www.pinkchoice.com/), a new review web site targeted specifically to gay and lesbian travelers. After your trip, you can post a review to pass on the word to fellow romance-seekers.

Pay gay
It may sound cliché, but a romantic dinner and a bottle of wine really never go out of style. As writer Rich Juzwiak, 28, from New York, says, "My boyfriend and I generally attach very little weight to Valentine's Day as we aren't very sentimental or wrapped up in tradition. So, really, it's just an excuse for us to go out to eat and then have sex. Which we'd probably do anyway, but you know, it's nice to have a destination date." But as you gaze into one another's eyes by soft candlelight and feed each other spoons of crème brûlée, you can do double duty and support restaurants and businesses that are part of or supportive of the gay community as well. If you're not sure where to go, there are plenty of resources, both online and available locally, for you to tap into. If you live in the New England area, the Pink Pages (www.pinkweb.com/) provide an excellent inventory of gay-owned and gay-friendly businesses listed by region. You can download the listings for free online or order a copy, and also find links to gay and lesbian organizations in other states. The Gay Yellow Pages (www.gayellowpages.com/) provide a similar service on a national scale for both the U.S. and Canada. And don't forget to pick up a copy of your local gay newsmagazine and check out the advertisers. Do a quick scan for gay-friendly florists while you're at it, and you'll have a night to remember that's also giving back to the community.

Rent gay
In the mood to stay in and cuddle on the couch but want something a little more gay Valentine's-worthy to watch than the latest episode of Law and Order (or the new romance DVD release featuring the beautiful female ingénue improbably falling for the older, well-established actor)? Look no further than Planet Out's PopcornQ (www.planetout.com/popcornq/), a comprehensive guide to queer movies that's searchable by subject, year, country, and target audience. And don't forget about the gay and lesbian sections at your local video store or on Netflix.

Get political
Gay marriage is a hot-button topic on everyone's radar these days, and there's no better time to express your desire for your own band of gold in the future than the most romantic day of the year. It might be too late for you to take up residency in Massachusetts and actually get hitched, and maybe you're not ready to get down on one knee and propose quite yet anyway. But if the right to get married (and/or the exorbitant presents that accompany a wedding) is important to you, grab your sweetie and hit the streets. GLAAD, NOW, LAMBDA and, quite famously, the city of San Francisco have all held Valentine's Day events, and this year local chapters of Marriage Equality USA (www.marriageequality.org/) will be visiting the local clerk's office to request marriage licenses and educate people about the discrimination that occurs to same-sex couples as a result of not having marriage equality. Eric Rogge, a 23-year old Los Angeles resident, says, "I do think it's important for gay couples to be visible on Valentine's Day because it's the one thing we all have in common -- we're in love! Straight couples may not think they can relate to the desire for boy-on-boy or girl-on-girl action, but they know what it feels like to be in love. Maybe staying proud on a day like Valentine's Day can bring everyone together in some way." If you're not sure where your state stands, or you need to become sufficiently outraged, visit the Human Rights Campaign's (www.hrc.org) Marriage Center for more information.

Be together
And finally, don't underestimate the statement that you make when you are simply, casually, undeniably together publicly with your partner on Valentine's Day. Juzwiak says, "On a day devoted to outward signs of love, I think it's vital to be part of the societal chorus. I think visibility--a constant presence everywhere--can be much more striking than a pride parade that's easily avoided. This isn't to say that I'm overt about my relationship in public -- my boyfriend and I don't even hold hands on the street. But I think it's clear that we're a couple, especially if we're sitting together in a restaurant on Valentine's Day, and I like the quiet, firm message in that."

Tracie Potochnik is a writer living in Providence, Rhode Island. She will take the chocolates, thank you.

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