Gay & Lesbian Dating:
Why He Never Called Back

If you've ever waited by a silent phone or checked your email a hundred times in an hour, you know how awful it is to be stood up by a guy who promised to call. And the worst part is, you may not know the real reason you never heard from him again. Which is why we rounded up a bunch of date dodgers to find out what made them forego a follow up.

Because he was a sci-fi geek
''I met this guy online who started chatting me up, and we IM'd for a while. He seemed like a nice guy and his photos were cute, too. For our first date, I suggested he come over to my place and we'd order in pizza and watch a DVD. He said he was really into movies and volunteered to bring some of his favorites. When he arrived with an armful of sci-fi titles, I panicked, because I am so not a sci-fi guy. I mean, its one thing for him to like those kinds of movies, but to assume everyone else does -- to the point where you inflict your taste upon others isn't cool. At that point, however, I felt committed to sticking it out. I figured, if nothing else, we'd have dinner and maybe it would turn into a new friendship. It turned out he was a total Star Trek and sci-fi fanatic. I never called him back when he got in touch about another movie night. I guess if I had gotten to know him better first and his Trekkie nature was then revealed, maybe I could have handled it. But the way he made it the first and most important thing I knew about him -- that just didn't work for me.''
-- Gary, 33, Washington, DC

Because he wouldn't shut up
''I once went on a date with a guy who -- no kidding -- talked throughout the entire meal. I maybe said one sentence the whole night while he jabbered away. It was bad enough that he talked a mile a minute, but what it worse was that he only talked about celebrity gossip and his friends' relationship dramas. I left the date with a major headache, and I never called him again. Isn't a date supposed to be the two of you getting to know one another -- not a monologue?!''
-- John, 26, Houston, TX

Because he was still hung up on his ex
''I was set up with Peter by a friend, and I was so excited when he showed up to meet me -- he looked like Colin Firth's twin. Unfortunately, Peter talked about his ex throughout the entire date, and it was obvious that he was so not over him! I kept trying to steer the conversation onto other topics, but Peter kept steering it right back to his ex, their breakup and how he was still in therapy -- two years later -- working through it. After the date, I told him that I wouldn't be calling him because I needed someone with a little less baggage.''
-- Henry, 35, Great Falls, MI

Because he had bad breath
''Last year I went out with a guy who showed up to meet me with some truly bad breath. I thought perhaps it would go away after he ate or drank something, but it hung in there. I had to stay an arm's length away from him during the date. A word to the wise: When preparing for a date, make sure you brush up and carry mints or gum in your pocket. It may sound shallow, but if you can't master dating etiquette 101, it's not going to make your date think you're worth the effort!''
-- Paul, 22, Chattanooga, TN

Because he wanted me to be an activist
''I met this guy at a book reading and we made a date for dinner. During our meal, all he did was tell me about all the ways I could be doing more for the gay community. Any hobby I mentioned, he'd wonder aloud why I didn't pursue it as part of a GLBT group. When I mentioned volunteering for a pet-rescue organization, he'd ask whether I didn't think working towards legalizing gay marriage across America was a worthier cause. Maybe he thought he was pushing my boundaries in a good way, but I felt really criticized and judged and couldn't wait to get out of there. We're all on our own paths and comfortable with different levels of activism, right? I couldn't believe it when he asked me to call him over the weekend when I was free for a drink. Thanks but no thanks!''
-- Michael, 37, Atlanta, GA

Because he and I were looking for different things
''I once met a guy online who I thought was interested in dating for the purpose of finding his soul mate, as I am. We met for dinner, but even before the appetizers arrived, he asked me if I was already thinking about leaving the restaurant and heading back to one of our places for 'dessert' -- because he sure was. Throughout the meal, he kept making similar comments. Since it was clear that he was looking for a hookup, not a relationship, I was as polite as I could manage -- I told him I was going to head home and enjoyed meeting him but thought we were in different places, dating-wise -- at the end of the date, and that was that!''
-- Joseph, 25, Red Bank, NJ

Because he was a workaholic
''I went on a blind date with a lawyer who at the time was in the middle of a big trial. During dinner, he kept his Blackberry on the table and must have checked it once a minute. He even excused himself three times during our meal to take phone calls. As if that wasn't bad enough, he never apologized for his behavior. I understood that he was in the middle of an important time at work, but he shouldn't have asked me out if he couldn't offer me as much of his full attention as possible. I felt like, if this is how he acts when he should be trying to impress me, how would he act once we were comfortable in a relationship? After the date, I knew he wasn't for me.''
-- Jeremy, 29, Chicago, IL

Because he got way too drunk
''I once went out with a guy who loved margaritas so much that he had at least a pitcher of them -- by himself -- on our date. He got loud and sloppy -- like some crazed college student on Spring Break or something! Then he began nodding off … It was really unattractive and immature, in my opinion. On a first date, try to limit your alcohol -- at least enough so that you are awake when the date is over!''
-- Greg, 42

Chelsea Kaplan is deputy editor of www.thefamilygroove.com

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